irony

irony sometimes lead to provocation. if it wasnt ironic we proly wouldnt take notice of the situation, its how u relate what has happened, what is happening and what will happen. irony sometimes can be funny as well. to see things flowing to how the tracks were laid. how differently things would turn out if we had taken different routes, on that particular junction, at that particular time. yeah, "oh well"

u were wrong about me. and i am always wrong about myself. disclaimer for those not of the brave heart. i fight fire with fire most of the time. i am egoistic and proud of it, dictacting the potential disaster i am very much capable of creating and/or endure. treat me like a petty child and you will learn to discover my ire wrath. take me for granted and i shall take what is urs. *tis my speech in rage, only once in my life i really came up to the front lines and delivered my anger* provoke me and we shall find out together.

no use in trying to dig up passed emotions, either true or untrue. no use in lying. to everyone else and to ourselves. so stop. whatever bitterness came from knowingly and deservingly taking things for granted, we cant changed what has happened. we cant undiscover what has already been discovered. yes it feels good when ure on top of the world, and no it doesnt feel good when ure at the lowest point in ur life. yes it feels good when our free will takes us anywhere with anyone, and no its not great when u feel completely used. this phase of my life will proly be filled with deeply resentful indignation. this eeriness is a part of me, my being, and under my control. im learning to accept my shortcomings. i just need to be aware of what they are. awareness creates consciousness, in turn creates change. or not. we choose what we want to choose.

oh sleepless monster, why thou never part? one night turns countless, countless nights turned into weeks and months. give me back my peace of mind. my peace of soul and the peace shattered in my heart. the haggardness is cracking its way, slowly destroying what's tangible. "u sound old, u look older than ur age, u dont speak like ur age" yeah. oh well. ha-ha.

oh pure sleep on the beds in perth, where are thou? the best 2 months of sleep through my adult life. irony. the sleep that i yearn is the sleep i am conditioned to immunity.

the course was intensed to say the least. barely 3 hours per night, for 5-6 nights straight. i feel haggard. tire and unstable. and the monster hunts me down as soon as i lay my head to rest. how am i still standing? or functioning for that matter. coming out of the camp, challenged what i knew already about myself. at most i felt like it was my integrity being confronted and questioned. can i really comprehend or truly understand what integrity means, and what it means to myself. honesty is what i value most. where is my integrity if i cant be honest. how do we expect people to respect us when we dont even respect ouselves. we hurt, lie, and are untrue, unsincere, uncaring to ourselves. people will only follow suit. ironic how i provoked and predicted what will and has happened. directed and dictated by the subconscious tireless mind. and what i am left with? the "oh well-s" and "phases of life". move on. nothing to be ashamed of. nothing to hide from, or is there? we all hold truce to someone else's dark secret. and i am no different. which shall slip through, integrity or ego, mind or heart, faith or evil. play fire with fire and u will get burned.

Oh blue sands, can you tell me if I ever be happy? Oh blue sands, can I stay here forever? Oh blue sands, can you make them all go away? Oh blue sands, what are you doing in my hair?And everything will get better if I stay for a while And we’ll find another way to be happy one day And everything will get better if you hold on for a while And the sea come and sweeps us away from here (yuna: blue sands)

we are all put alive on this earth for a reason. we are capable of conditioning ourselves, to what ever we choose. we are of limitless potential. most of us fail to realise our potential with the time given. i am too guilty and at fault. so now i declare my eeriness and provocation. we need to understand where and who we are first before we know who to become.

Jangan marah, sayang
Jangan hampa
Jangan sedih, sayang
Jangan berduka

Kita bebas berlari ke hujung dunia
Tanganku sedia menunggu masa
Dunia ini, sayang
Penuh cabaran
Hati orang, sayang
Pandai berdendam
Kita bebas berterbang ke hujung angkasa
Bulan bintang menunggu kedatangan kita

Ayuh sayang
Ayuh sayang
Mari kejar kebenaran.

Cinta ini, sayang
Bukan biasa
Mulut ini, sayang
Takkan berdusta
Kita bebas berenang ke hujung lautan
Ombak-ombak tak kenal makna kekejaman
Cinta ini, sayang
Bukan biasa
Ayuh sayang,Demi cinta.
(mia palencia: sayang)

yeah, karma is a bitch.